I think I would be sinning against all that is holy if I did not post something about the Jazz game last night. As a self-prescribed Jazz-a-holic, I am more than just a little hung over from last nights Jazz-fest. In case you missed it, here’s a quick recap…yaggi style.
-Game starts, Jazz look like a lost little blind kid looking for his glasses that fell off. Lebron and D-Wade run around and do whatever they pretty much feel like. Lebron says to D-Wade, “I’m so glad I brought my talents to South Beach….dude, did you see my super sweet awesome new commercial. It’s by Nike, and I love it!” To which D-Wade replies, “Yes Lebron, remember how you made me watch it in your hotel room like 20 times. Geez.”
-First half of the game reminds me of the nature channel. You know. Those moments when some unsuspecting baby gazelle walks down to the water, and a huge crocodile jumps out and snatches the life right out of the poor thing. Yeah…kind of like that. It’s not pretty.
-Half time, 89% of all so-called “I’m a HUGE Jazz fan” fans turn off the game and switch over to bad girls club on the Oxygen Channel. All the while in the Jazz locker room Raja Bell is telling the Jazz what a bunch of sissy’s they are, and how if they didn’t win he was going to toilet paper each of their mom’s houses.
-Third quarter starts, and Jazz start playing like the Jazz do when they care. Also Paul Milsap has inner dialogue with himself that goes something like this…Man, it’s Friday. You aint got no job. You aint got S@#$ to do. I’m gonna get you high. (classic friday reference). And he proceeded to make all Jazz fans (those that are still watching, and yes, I was one of them) high with his smokin plays.
-Fourth quarter starts. Lebron says to D-Wade, “Dude, do you think if I called Kim Kardashian she would go out with me?” To which D-Wade answers, “Dang it Lebron! Focus on the game! The Jazz are making a comeback and I can’t do this all by myself!” Paul Millsap then remembers his promise to some sick kid in a hospital that he would hit three 3-pointers in a row, all within the last minute of the game, and then put back a wild C.J. Miles shot to send the game into overtime, (Jerry Seinfeld style).
-Overtime. D-Wade says to hell with Lebron and the rest of his team, and single-handedly tries to destroy the Jazz’s comeback. The Jazz hold off his insane play, and end up with Fransisco “come on coach, put me in” Elson at the line to win the game. He makes his first free throw, and, in an attempt to miss his second free throw on purpose, actually banks in his shot, proving to everyone that the Jazz were simply “meant” to win this game.
-Later that night on ESPN, (after the bad girls club was over of course), the 89% percent of Jazz fans tune in to see how much their team ended up losing by, only to find out they had actually won. And not only had they won, but it was one of the greatest regular season games in Jazz history. And they say to themselves, “I’m such a huge Jazz fan, I can’t wait to post something about this on Facebook”.
And that pretty much covers it. Don’t believe me, watch the video and enjoy.